Surviving a Car Breakdown Without Losing Your Cool
Ah, the great South African road trip. You’re vibing to your playlist, the biltong is bottoms up, and then suddenly your car says, “Not today, bru.”
Look, a car breakdown is never on anyone’s bucket list. We just want to make sure we do our part in potentially helping you turn a potential roadside drama into a mildly inconvenient adventure.
Here’s our unofficial, yet invaluable guide to surviving a car breakdown like a legend.
Step One: Get Safe
(Then You Can Panic Like a Telenovela Star)
A car breakdown on South African roads isn’t the time to test your action-hero reflexes. Nor is it the time to cry into your travel mug either.
First: safety. Then: theatrics if you want.
Here’s your breakdown protocol:
- Pull over safely. Ideally to the emergency lane. We unfortunately aren’t able to hide from our problems and society by parking in the bush.
- Hazards on. Later, you can always try to match the beat of your tunes to there incessant tick-tick flicker.
- Reflective triangle. Place it a few metres behind you. Surprise collisions are just not the latest trend, so choose the reflective look.
- Stay in the car, especially on busy roads. Don’t try push your car beyond it’s smoke or splutter. This is not Fast & Furious: Midrand Drift.
Once you’re safe, it’s time to channel your inner soapie star. Stare into the distance, sigh deeply like a character in 7de Laan, and dramatically open a packet of ghost pops like it’s the climax of your season finale.
Step Two: Laugh So You Don’t Cry
Alright, you’re stuck. The car’s sulking, traffic’s whizzing by, and you’ve got nothing but snacks and sarcasm. Time to keep your head up, and your spirits borderline delusional.
Why not, right? If you can’t fix the engine, then you might as well fix your mindset.
Here’s how to start switching it up while you wait for backup (provided that you see the humour).
- “This isn’t a breakdown, it’s a surprise episode of ‘Survivor: R21 Edition.’”
- “My car didn’t stop. It’s just buffering.”
- “This tow truck delay is just the universe teaching me how to do absolutely nothing. Like a champ.”
- “I’m not stuck, I’m marinating in personal growth.”
- “My tyres are low, but my standards are still high.”
- “Who needs a mechanic when I’ve got delusion, vibes, and NikNaks?”
- “I didn’t break down, I just gave everyone else on the highway a chance to shine.”
- “Why me? Because I’m the chosen one. This breakdown is a calling.”
- “Honestly, my car’s just making sure I don’t arrive too early. Fashionably late, darling.”
- “This could be worse. I could be wearing Crocs.”
Remember, your car may have run out of power, but you still have a lot to turn those lemons into lemon meringue.
Step Three: Make The Most Of It
Now let’s turn your drama llama into joyful armour.
Seriously, though, if you’re going to be stuck on the side of the road, you might as well make it a vibe. Right?
Entertainment and connection are key, whether you’re stranded solo or playing Uber for the whole crew, here’s how to turn your roadside reality show into some memories to tell for years to come
Solo ideas:
- Delete those apps you haven’t opened since 2017 (RIP Plants vs Zombies).
- Plan your next holiday using only voice notes.
- Get your GIF game on by sending your friends updates about your SAFTA-worthy roadside drama.
- Create your own version of a “Breakdowns & Boujee” playlist and share it. Do it with your people who you know will get it and might even add spice to your selection.
- Find a service that will help prevent you from hitting a pothole and getting stuck again, and read some of their fun and helpful blogs while you’re at it.
Got kids in the car? Brave. Here’s how to distract them:
- Play the colour car game: Everyone picks a colour. The first to spot 10 cars in their colour wins, and the loser has to hold everyone’s snack wrappers.
- Sing every TV theme song you know. Badly.
- Get everyone to invent a car superhero. Think “Windscreen Wiper Woman” or “The Tyre Whisperer.”
- Play some Fun and Easy Road Trip Games with your little besties.
Just because your wheels took a break doesn’t mean your humour has to.
Get Your Snack Game On
When your car taps out, it’s the perfect time to pull out the snacks you packed thanks to our awesome Road Trip Packing List. Not many things say “resilient South African” like casually munching on your padkos on the N3 shoulder. Anywhere has the potential to be a picnic spot for us Saffas.
Just in case, here is a suggested survival snack box that’s good to keep on you on any road trip:
- Water – Pack it cold and try to avoid the room temperature and the slightly dusty bottle from under the seat.
- Biltong – Get that protein in, boet.
- Nik Naks – Bright orange fingers and an even brighter mood.
- Energy Bars – Let’s face it, you buy them because they are the least messy convenience snack. But it will do the trick.
- Ghost Pops – A way to feel like you’re actually not alone. Also, they slap.
- Endearmints – No one knows why they’re always there, but they are, and they are a great way to balance the above treats.
Who You Gonna Call? (No, Not Ghostbusters)
When your car’s having an existential crisis and you’re stuck wondering “Now what?”, don’t phone your cousin’s mechanic’s roommate. You need real help, real fast.
Here are some key South African emergency numbers to keep saved in your phone or written on that faded sticky note in your cubbyhole:
- National Emergency Number (from any mobile) – 112
- Ambulance, Fire or Police (from landline) – 10177
- South African Police Service (SAPS) – 10111
- AA Emergency Roadside Assistance – 0861 000 234
- Netcare 911 – 082 911
- ER24 – 084 124
- City/Metro Police (check local number) – e.g. Johannesburg Metro Police: 011 375 5911
Also, a quick Google Maps search like “nearest tow truck” or “car repair near me” will usually give you options based on your location. Just be sure to double-check reviews or ratings before calling.
So, before you panic-Google or call someone who’ll say “Just whack the dashboard,” call the pros instead.
From Breakdown To Breakthrough
So your car threw a wobbly on the side of the highway. Yet, look at you. Calm, snack-fuelled, and absolutely crushing the whole “I’m fine” aesthetic.
Sure, you missed the party, but you gained a solid story and a new appreciation for your own wit and resilience.
Take a breath, enjoy the forced rest, and maybe name your car something dramatic like Robert Downey Jr. (because it, too, will have a great comeback story).
